This article is strictly for women only (unless you’re a homosexual who might like to benefit from this) and it concerns the Sleazeballs of Nightclubs. Sleazeball is another term for a clubber – usually a man – who somehow manages to wreck your clubbing night. I’m sure every girl who has been to a club has encountered the Sleazeball, who comes in many forms.
First you have the Touchy-Feely Sleazeball, who is among the most common. A perfect scenario is where you’re dancing with your friends to a great track that you haven’t heard in months (sometimes years, considering how rubbish club music is these days) when you suddenly feel (usually sweaty) hands worm their way round your waist from behind and a waft of body odour finding its way into your nostrils. You spin round and there is the Touchy-Feely Sleazeball grinning inanely at you, as though you are actually enjoying being gripped and suffocated by him and his deadly smells. It isn’t long (maybe a millisecond) before the Touchy-Feely Sleazeball tries his luck by groping you like a clumsy teenager and, of course, this is the perfect moment for him to receive a swift kick in the groin. An avoidance strategy may be to always position a friend to dance behind you (acting as bodyguard) so that the dim-witted Touchy-Feely Sleazeball has no chance to pounce; or if you have no friend to protect you, simply dance with your back facing the wall. The Touchy-Feely Sleazeball is the worst kind in my opinion because he creeps up behind you with no warning. Very slimy indeed.
SleazeballSleazeball,Sleazeballround in.he strikesthe more unfortunate before heendeavoursto gropeyouron to his next victim. A good avoidance strategy: don’t talk to strangers.
Then comes the Creepy Sleazeball. The Creepy Sleazeball will do nothing but stand by the wall and STARE at you all night. He doesn’t even seem to blink. He will stare and stare and wherever you go, he will follow, his wide staring eyes practically popping from his head. It is very uncomfortable to have a Creepy Sleazeball stalking you around, so the best strategy for this is to tell the bouncer that he is frightening you and have him thrown out. As bouncers are usually quite keen to appear as knights in shining armour for girls, he’s most likely to oblige, and you can continue having a good night out without this particular Sleazeball’s eyes boring into your back.
SleazeballSleazeballour friendshe thinks you’re somewhat cute, materializingthe Bouncer Sleazeball your number and he now thinks you’re his girlfriend, his wifey, the one he wants to settle down with for the rest of his life, and for days afterwards you receive phone calls from him, asking you when he’s going to be allowed to cook that Caribbean food he promised for you. It is hard to get away from the Bouncer Sleazeball while in the club because he is watching your every move and throwing out any other man who may dare speak to you. I suppose the best avoidance strategy is this – NEVER forget your ID!