A Little Bit About Me

When I was about 15 years old, I had a very vivid picture of who I would be ten years down the line. In my mind, I smugly envisioned living in a ten-bedroom mansion with servants, butlers and cooks at my command due to being an extremely rich and successful author; I indulged in regular fantasies about attending book signings with queues five miles long,  fans including old playground bullies that I could now gloat in the faces of (they, according to me, would be flipping burgers for the rest of their lives, much to my pleasure.)  I imagined sailing on yachts, taking long, lazy holidays in the Carribean and beyond, feasting on the finest delicacies and, all in all, having my every whim catered to.

Of course, this desirable fantasy soon came crashing down when I discovered that the reality of life was absolutely nothing like I had imagined. Ten years down the line, at the age of 25, I am hardly sipping champagne and eating strawberries and cream served to me by a faithful servant, nor am I basking in the joys of being a successful author. Instead, I am the servant, earning per week the equivalent of what that fancy bottle of champagne would cost. The only joys I have experienced have been the numerous rejection letters/emails I have received from agents and publishers, who have politely informed me that my work is not what they are looking for. One miserable rejection after another, the only thing that keeps me going is the faith that one day this dream shall be achieved (plus several instances using Google to inform me of the amount of times published writers were rejected in the past; I have found this is a wonderful remedy to sooth a wounded ego.)

For the past seven years, I have found myself in a multitude of jobs, very few of which have provided me with any sense of worth as a human being. I am quite sure that a well constructed computer would be able to deal with the incredibly mind-numbing, soul-destroying roles that I have found myself in. For example, working in customer service for a well-known cinema chain and dealing on a daily basis with people who actually took the time out of their clearly dreary existences to write 700  word emails on how their hot dogs were inches shorter than they had expected or how there was nattering from customers in the background, (why don’t you simply tell them to be quiet at the time, rather than whine about it afterwards when it is too late?) is enough to crush even the most resilient of souls. Day in, day out it was the same routine, having to display the same ‘sympathy’ for people who wanted to have a gripe and moan about trivialities that mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. I started to question my very existence. Surely this isn’t what life is all about? Being a slave to the system, a Samaritan to complaining nobodies and putting on a fake grin everyday, as though it was the greatest pleasure and ambition to be yelled at by a customer who was shortchanged 50p by a staff member at the cinema who cannot speak English. But yes, unfortunately that is exactly what it is all about. Because each soul-wrecking role has revolved around money, the heart of survival, whether I like it or not. Another position that swirled in darkness was working in a busy law firm. With all due respect to solicitors, who do indeed work extremely hard, they are some of the most stressed, high-strung people I have ever encountered; I’m sure that most of them will end up suffering with high blood pressure at some point. On one occasion, I informed one of the solicitors that the client file he had asked me to search for was currently in the hands of a sister branch. The transformation that occurred was petrifying; he swelled to the size of a helium balloon, his face enraged, red and bloated, and then screamed a load of incomprehensible words as he released his steam. And all it would have taken was a simple phone call.

I am sure that those much older and wiser than me reading this will chuckle at my seemingly defeated attitude and advise me that the time will come where it all pays off. And I do not doubt them. For now, though, I will have to grin and bear it, for that is all that can be done – oh, and persevere.

  1. Lavon A. Hampton

    I loved your peace on the dating site, PlentyofFish. Is there a simple way to follow your blogs?

  2. Hi Lavon, thanks for your comment and glad you enjoyed the read. I know there’s a ‘follow’ button on this site but think you may have to become a member in order to do so; otherwise, afraid I’m not sure!

  3. Mozar Dianoboe

    I was a pleasure to follow your spinning turns of phrase. Your style is engaging. Keep writing. Perhaps, you could do what I did several years ago – after several professional rejections. I published my own poetry magazine for a year. After the initial buzz of publication wore off, one thing became very apparent. It was a lot of work. Fun, but exhasting.

  4. Keep up the good work, I love your style. Its very simple to read 🙂 and down-to-earth. You also have much kindness in everything you write – something this world needs very much. And yes, perseverance – I was lucky to meet one person who keeps reminding me (by how he lives, how he sees this world & his actions) what is truly important in life and what is just human ‘drama’…. Love is most important. Love for ourselves, our world, our plants and beings… Love makes everything else come alive…
    Hello from Ireland 🙂 (i live the link to the site because this is our first app for android – i read your post on blog reviewers for brands – Would you be interested in reviewing our app – I really want an honest person who’d appreciate meaningful things in life to review our app xx)

  5. Like Mozart said, “Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.”

    Thank you for your comments, Mozar and M.D. I’ll review your app certainly – just provide me with the link and I’ll let you know.

  6. Skye, you are one amazingly perceptive, intelligent, insightful, and articulate person! I just read your pieces about POF and heroes. I not only agreed with your comments, but found them enjoyable as they were both astute and humorous. You obviously have much to say, and know how to say it. Bravo!! I will be reading more for sure!

  7. Thank you – what a nice thing to say! I am very glad you enjoy reading my articles 🙂

  8. Really interesting site! Thank you for sharing your experiences.

  9. Very good articles and great site!

  10. Very entertaining, keep it up.

  11. My dear Sarah, I read your above post and seen your photos here and on Facebook. I’ve also read a bit from your *wolf/heart* book on Amazon. And about how angry and vengeful you feel about all those childhood school bullies you want to see “flipping burgers.” I understand that you’re very bitter. Also, that you feel frustrated because you’re a “servant.” Sarah “Spitfire”? Churchill quotes/Memes on FB? Ever present eyeliner in every photo? You’ll never be English. Cheap looking Filipinna. Bizarre! Haha pathetic loser. Give it up.

    • Well, well. This is a pleasant surprise. For the record, I tracked you to your location. I know you wanted to remain anonymous but you have to do a much better job of covering your tracks next time. I will of course be exposing you for this shameful and pathetic cyber-stalking, and reporting you to the authorities for online abuse, so good luck with that upon your return. I have also screen-shot all evidence. On another note, why in the world would I be angry, bitter or vengeful? And servant? You missed the tongue-in-cheek nature of my post, but from what I remember you were never particularly bright; one of those kids in the background who used to ‘follow the leader’ and kiss the backsides of the ‘playground bullies’. I see nothing’s changed – still the same coward you always were. Still, I’ve got you exposed as a coward, bully and a racist all in one. I see you. 🙂

  12. Honest! Great writing. Simply don’t do jobs that don’t interest you/piss you off/stress you out. Work at stuff you love and enjoy, if it doesn’t pay well, make sure you become the best at it – when you do, it will pay. Being the best at something always does. Good luck!

  13. everything happens for a reason [ well thats my belief ] so i find it strange that im reading rather interesting comments about POF that i find your profile
    Anyway i checked you out as i was interested in you
    i find you interesting from many angles
    i study astrology and numerology of which i am a ruling 7 [ life path number of which i think you may also be a 7 ] and i am an aries moonsign [ which you may also be – because you like a challenge and support the under dog / protective and stand up for yourself ]
    But i think you may be born on the waning cresent or more so the dark of the moon personality type [ = have a cause or beliefs they fight for throughout their lives ]

    i am also born the day of the literalist and enjoy writing myself
    Anyway good luck with everything
    it was really pleasant for our lives to cross paths

    if you want to connect my email is [ luckyucme@yahoo.com.au ]

  14. I’m from Austin, Texas but currently stationed in Afghanistan for peacekeeping…. And I will like to have friends all over the world

  15. Very much enjoyed your piece on Plenty of Fish. It was spot on, and well written. It matches my experiences precisely. As a 58 yr. old divorced man with grown kids, it amazes me how many if not most of the women on POF don’t seem to be interested in genuine companionship, as I am. I suppose I am naive. Quite possible, since the last time I dated was over 20 years ago. Anyway, stick with it. As a published writer I can tell you you write well and in my opinion just need to write as often as you can.

  16. Hi,

    I really liked your post on “Plenty of Fish”. Your writing is very engaging. Although I hope these compliments that you get don’t have the same effect on you ego (as you described in the same article).

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