Monthly Archives: October 2013

Peeves of Facebook

Facebook-LogoWell, well, well! Facebook. I must confess, I’d been planning on doing a post on this strangely addictive site for quite some time so I am most pleased I’ve finally got round to it. Dear old Facebook – where would we be without it? Isn’t it thrilling to log in, check who has commented on your oh-so-fascinating status updates or added you due to your clearly provocative posing (ego-boosting is always a wonderful thing, after all) or ‘liked’ that picture of yours or else read the thoughtful message one of your great chums has sent you in response to moaning about the blights of your life. Yes, isn’t Facebook grand?

Well, not so grand for some. It’s played a chief role in break-ups between couples, friendship spats, wars between the religious, wars between the holier-than-thou – oh, and cheating – usually with negative consequences. Let’s not forget the obsessive boyfriend/girlfriend who regularly checks their other half’s account to spy on whom they’ve been consorting with. And just like pretty much every aspect of social networking, online and off, its got its fair share of peevish people – as in, people who peeve you to bits but you simply don’t have the heart/guts to tell them how annoying they are. I’ve noticed there’s a lot about a person’s true nature you can discover by the way they carry themselves on Facebook. Here I list several of them:

The Duckface: Quack. Now the thing about The Duckface is that their obvious trout-pout is what they view as extremely attractive. True (or not) as this may be, having to view the same picture with the same pout eventually gets tedious and it does make you wonder if they actually walk around looking like Donald Duck in their daily lives, (after all, you never view them online with any pose other than this.) It’s even more gruelling to see the ones without the necessary physical capabilities to actually pout and you have to suppress the urge to tell them pulling the kissy fishy lips into the camera isn’t quite as remarkable as they seem to think it is.

The Preacher: This person will take every God-given opportunity to rant at you about the evils of society, the downfalls of man and ways in which we simply must band together in order to prevent such negativity occurring. No doubt some of my Facebook friends see me as such as person, hence I understand the annoyance – but bleating on at us about how we must focus on ‘DO NOT TURN A BLIND EYE! OPEN YOUR EYES!” eventually makes you want to just click delete and block, usually resulting in The Preacher turning their nose up at anyone who does not adhere to their beliefs as they continue with their one-man-band journey into eliminating the evils of mankind (via Facebook of all things; wouldn’t they be better off directing such passions outside of the internet?). Much as The Preacher may be admired for their persistence, their obvious derogatory opinion of you and your many flaws does eventually get rather irritating.

The Photo-Obsessed: This person will post numerous pictures of themselves everyday, in the same pose and with the same background. Regardless of whether the face/body is nice or not, it does become rather tiresome having their features bombarded on your homepage day in and day out. Naturally though, we are too polite to tell them what we truly think.

The Pointless: “I just went to to toilet … what a pong!” or “Spent the day travelling on the train and found it rather boring.” Honestly – does anyone care? But with such mundane existences, we must humour The Pointless as they go on and on about things we couldn’t care less about. After all, it does provide them with a sense of worth and who are we to deny them that?

The Melancholic: This is me. How many times have I posted something and known that everyone is secretly thinking, “What the hell is this crazy psycho going on about?” only for them to click ‘like’ as if they know what I’m actually talking about. The Melancholic feels it is a necessary to spew their own thoughts onto the homepage of everyone else, despite everyone being clueless about their rants. Oh melancholia – a curse, especially in this modern world of technology.

The ‘Liker’: This person clicks ‘Like’ on everything you write, yet fails to provided a comment on what they actually like about it. Personally, I like to know what someone likes about what I write, but maybe that’s just me.

The Stalker: This user bombards you with messages even when you don’t respond. Baffling to say the least. Could it be that their lives are so empty that they talk to what is essentially a brick wall in the vain hope they might receive a response (and never do?)

The Quoter: Unable to think of their own individual quotes, this person will post the thoughts/sayings of others as though they are their own.

The Worshipper: I respect God. I believe in him. But to be continuously plagued with constant reminders about how we are failing in our duty to serve God via Facebook does become irksome in its own right. “GOD IS THERE! HE BELIEVES IN YOU!” or “NO ONE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND YOU LIKE THE HEAVENLY FATHER” is enough to make you want to pull out your hair and turn permanently to the dark side.

Well, I have listed the main Facebook peeves I can think of and no doubt offended 75% of my Facebook friends in the process. If I have forgotten any, do let me know. All insults welcome.

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On Scepticism

Belief is limitless; Knowing limited.
What we know is a tiny ring.
What we don’t know, an infinite ring.
In the Age of Knowing and the Age of Realism
People forget the most important thing
What’s not real is what’s most real
What’s not proven needs no proof
In our existence
lies only a shadow of reality
There are no answers in the shadows.
But perceived superiority
Arrogance
and Ignorance
Spread like poison from a wound 
Dismissing claims, for they can’t comprehend
that a beginning will not always entail an end:
“That person’s reality is different to mine!
Ghosts and ghouls aren’t real! It’s all in their mind!
They must be suffering from some mental decline!”
And always, the crazy quietly states:
“Mental decline I may have, but my thoughts stay the same
I understand you, but you cannot know me
Because your mind is trapped, you won’t let it be free.”
This cycle is a blockage to harmony.
Lack of belief lies to lack of reason
So sceptics stand on the edge of a knife
While others, they accept one infallible thing:
“Only this I know for sure
I know nothing in this life.”